If the article heading brought you here, I’d assume you have been married for some time now. And you are in your late thirties or more. You might have asked yourself how healthy is your married life after a decade? 

One on hand, there are couples who get completely domesticated in a decade of living with each other and start completing each other’s sentences. They are the ones seen holding hands in public, sharing romantic pictures on social media, and setting an example of how wonderful married life can be.

While at the other hand, there are a couple who know what will be the answer to their questions from their better half when they raise a topic, and hence they are not ready for one more useless debate so they choose to stay quiet. These are the couples who are only seen together on social media on specific occasions like anniversaries and festivals.

Rest, their social media talks about having fun with friends or sharing old memories. Guys, presenting to you our very own favorite topic – A decade of married life. You can fairly get an idea of what all are we going to talk about here but I still recommend you go through it. Why? Because we may entertain or surprise you with our content style. Take it with a pinch of salt coz generalization is not right and we understand that.

What I have realized in the last few years about marriage is, matching kundalis for two people who are planning to get married is of no use. What is more important is matching their common interest levels, their personalities, and their attitude towards life and problem-solving capabilities and attitudes towards each other and how far are they willing to go to accept each other.

Hence, I think marriage is possibly the biggest commitment a person can make hence there should be no rushing into it at all. If it’s an arranged marriage, take the time of at least 6 months to a year between the time you get engaged until you get married. See one season of each type together and then decide whether you really want to sign up for this or not.

Men and Women are both very different creatures and the wiring of their brain is done very differently. They look at each situation in a different manner and make different meanings out of it. Hence, the solutions they take out are also different.

Your viewpoint on how healthy is your married life after a decade might be different from your spouse.

At one point, men are simple straight thinkers who never complicate things. They are dynamic, non-predictive, impulsive, reasonable, and logical but still very simple. Things are either black or white for them. They have different boxes for different things where they process different thoughts. Mind you, these boxes are absolutely not talking to each other. In the words of marriage expert Mark Gungor.

While women have no separate boxes theory. For them, everything is so freaking interconnected that it touches everything and is always ready to short circuit like a live wire. I assume most of us have seen this video at some point or the other. I won’t bore you with this anymore.

What I want to share with you is a deep understanding and comprehension of what do we actually go through in real life.

After a decade of married life, I am assuming you must be in your late thirties or early forties with at least one kid who is your favorite timepass other than work or watching other women. The situation most of the people at this stage is, at one side you have a wife who is either supportive or a big nagger while on the other hand, you have aging parents seeking your attention. So, what all are you dealing with in summary is career growth, financial/mental and physical well being, society reputation, parents health, kids education and all you seek for is one person who can share all these things with an open heart and in return you expect that person to at least acknowledge, understand or empathize with you. You don’t want them to fight your battle, that you are very good at and you know your way forward but you still want that one hand or heart to stay by your side.

These external factors, affect the answers to this question “how healthy is your married life after a decade”.

You can’t expect your parents to do it because you don’t want them to see what you are experiencing. They have done enough for you in their lives and you realize it. You can’t share it with your kids coz they are too young to understand anything. You can share it with your very very close friends but only up to a certain extent and not completely. They will understand and the best they can do is, offer you another drink and say..Fuck everything, have a drink, and sleep well. It will be fine by the time you get up tomorrow which never happens. It’s the same shit again, just a different day.

So, ultimately, you look at your partner to do this job for you which trust me if it happens for you is the best thing and the best decision of your life but if it is not, your life is screwed and there is no way out unless you want a messy divorce which will screw you mentally, physically and financially. It will ruin your family and children’s life. So, what most the men opt for, happiness outside married life in the forms of an extramarital affair, turn to drink, or become sadist leading to depression, maybe death at the worst.

I have seen a few of the most vibrant, young, energetic, and impulsive boys in their mid-twenties turning to the most depressed and sad men with no vibrance in their lives just in their mid-thirties. Seems like they are either about to explode or waiting to die. You look into their eyes and you all you see is they are all dried of emotions. The smile that used to start from their lips and reach their eyes is all absent. The eyes never match what their heart wants. You may see a tear rolling down anytime for no reason at all (of course not openly).

Often got me thinking, what’s the way out for them. What exactly is the mistake and what lead to it.

The answer is not in blaming their spouses but in understanding that people are different, they grow with time, they change and everyone has a different way of dealing with situations. You may not deal with the same situation in the same way your father did or your brother does but that does not mean you are immature or have no sincerity towards life. Any relationship becomes strong only when the other person starts accepting their partner the way they are and rather than making them realize how stupid or useless they are. They start standing with them in every situation not just physically but with all their heart.

We have seen the no of suicides, deaths by accident, average life duration, and depression cases in men growing in the last few years. One thing marriage does to you is, it makes you a fantastic actor which means you can very rarely identify these traits in men coz they get used to hiding them well. It is the way we are brought up with shits like Men Don’t Cry or Men are Strong, Men should control their families and whatnot. What we forget as a society is, we too are vulnerable and have emotions. We too Feel things, we love our women and our mothers too but when it comes to choosing between them, we become weak. We can’t decide this, furthermore, Why should we.

In trying times like these, you need to know and be assured about how healthy is your married life after a decade. Because that is the strength you seek. 

I don’t want to sound gender-biased but somehow I feel it’s a little easier for women. They are more expressive be it sharing with friends or family or maybe crying but men, they have a very different way of dealing with it. They just don’t share personal stuff. Once a woman gets married to someone and starts living in their house, she at least has a side to choose from which is difficult but at least it’s there. Last 25-30 yrs Vs next 40-50 yrs.

However, as men, we become strangers and strugglers in our own house. We can neither become a good son or a good brother, not a good husband or a good father. We live a half-hearted life with half-hearted emotions.

You may want to cry or even end your life at some point but you can’t do it due to so many responsibilities. At one point is our partner who can not understand us or has made an impression of us in their mind and is not ready to change it while on the other hand is our parents or friends or someone who we can’t tell what exactly are we going through.

Look at the latest statistics of depression and deaths in India here. It shows that the numbers of men and women are almost similar which to me means we both face the same way when we go through it. Men just feel it a little deeper than women. We both want things to work out but something they just don’t seem to for whatever reason. Sometimes good intentions and actions are also not enough to make things work.

The times are changing at an exponential pace and they are becoming more and more demanding. How healthy is your married life after a decade might be the last thing you’ll get to focus on.

Hence, unless you have peace in your mind and one place in the whole world where you can be your own self called home. Where you feel valued and important and loved, it becomes extremely difficult to pay attention to anything and be successful in it. It may be your job, business, family, relationships, or anything you like.

Hence, the only piece of advice if you want to live a happy, fulfilling life is, choose your partner wisely. Take time for it and Never Ever rush into this decision. It’s you last 25-30 yrs of life Vs remaining 40-50 years of life. Fuck what society says or feels about you and don’t be carried away with the desire of having a permanent sex partner.

Let us know what do you think here.