Tired of justifying one constant question throughout – ’Are you man enough?’
It’s been 25 years of my life and still, I have never seen my father being forthcoming about his emotions ever. I wonder, why does he prefer being impassive? Was it his choice while growing up or it’s an outcome of his arduous battle with toxic masculinity? Not only he, but most of the men I see are the victims of the stereotypes prevailing in our society knowingly, unknowingly. I won’t claim that everything is wrong and we need a kind of evolution to make it just, but I surely am concerned about the speed this world is spinning with and the huge chunk of narrow-minded people here not able to outgrow the toxic expectations which are totally gender-biased.
These gender biases start from ‘you just can’t play with a doll’ and ends at ‘you’re so gay!’ The only legit reaction I can think of right now to this is, why do we have to be so lame and pathetic towards each other? Asking about the age and skin tone of a woman and asking about the salary and dependence of a man are still considered parameters to judge their ability. Why are we still fighting such vulnerabilities in this progressive world of mine? Why is it that a man cannot sob and cry out to express his hidden grief? Maybe we need to ponder over the ways we are born and brought up. Are you tired of justifying one constant question at each stage of your life, ’Are you man enough?’ Let’s gear up for discussing some serious concerns of being a ‘man’!
What is ‘Toxic Masculinity’?
Let’s take a ride first to understand what exactly is a toxic masculinity. Sometimes, out of the need to fit into the framework given by society, men make certain decisions or behave in certain ways, but the end result is harmful and not at all good for themselves and for the people around them. Let’s take an example. Remember when you had a heartbreak and wished to share your sufferings and pain you have been trying to succumb to, but you just couldn’t! Because you are expected to be a strong person who can bear everything and still feel fine. And by strong, they mean not pouring your heart out, doesn’t matter what you are going through!
It’s high time that we change this attitude towards looking at men. This toxicity can be the reason someone is suffering from depression and does not have the guts to talk about it and do something at this very moment. Why? Because he does not know how to do that. He hasn’t been told that it’s acceptable that way, that it’s okay to speak up about his insecurities openly, that he can be expressive and prevent the onset of an entangled mess.
We need to address the need of a man to have an appealing physique, muscles, and beard. If nature has made you skinny or fat, or if your body is that way due to certain reasons, there is no shame in being you. Nobody has the right to body shame you and make you feel any lesser! How passionate and kind you are, make you more human than the inches of your arms and chest for sure. Many use skin tone, physique, height, weight, and many other things to calculate manhood. How you carry yourself is your choice. The only person who is in a position to acknowledge acceptance is he, himself! Are you not trying to take his very right to live life on his own terms?
I have seen parents asking their boy to choose an occupation stable and typical enough so that he can earn a good wife. Can we think for once beyond profit and loss, beyond expectations and unnecessary demands? Beyond all the shackles of traditional suppositions resides one chance, a chance to live life to the fullest. By all such toxic unreasonableness, you are denying his basic right to freedom.
He can choose to stay away from the sport, choose nursing as a profession, and deny to indulge in any sexual relationship whenever he wishes. But the stereotypical ‘score’ conversations are the classic example of how receptive we are to respect each other’s choices and instead find humor around such daunting discussions. Thus, discouraging such toxic masculinity is the least expectation from today’s progressive men.
The kind of emotional burden that comes with being a man is one of its kind. It brings the baggage of flawed strength to showcase and leaves with taking out the true essence of being a human. What if he is troubled, confused, and misguided for years to get independent at the age you expect him to. No matter what happens he should not shed a tear, no matter what happens he has to act as a backbone to the family! Here is the thing dear society, he can be both, he can be your hope and he can flaunt his vulnerable anguish as well.
Parents can never have bad intentions for their child but their decisions need not be right always. Admit that parenting along with traditional stereotypes are at fault. I personally feel it’s a crime to let down the male victims of sexual abuse due to shame and societal stigma.
When a friend of mine gets heartbroken, he gulps his sorrow down with a few pegs. Why can’t he share his grief and then get over the pain just slowly and steadily as we girls do? I deny the possibility that you don’t want to talk about how and when did it all go wrong! You sure as hell want to get over it but there are healthier ways to do that. Discussing the suffocation you are going through and venting out your mistrust of loyalty you are facing is utmost important. One heartbreak must not ruin all your future relationships and eventually your whole life!
Here is how you can Bring The Change!
Here is the thing friends, let’s try to stop using gender as a weapon to camouflage the real concerns. We have to acknowledge toxic masculinity by challenging narrow and stale definition of manhood. The best thing being can direct ourselves as well as the coming generation. We must strive to act open-minded, assertive, acceptable, and open to changes. Time demands equal rights and equal respect for all the genders existing on this land. We can attain that by awakening the empath in us. Make an honest attempt to understand each other wholeheartedly. Let’s start today by sharing something that’s tugging deep down your heart. Share a regret, express love or simply convey how good or bad you are feeling right at this moment. It feels good to be yourself, but it feels better to prioritize your mental health. Because believe it or not, better late than never!
For more such awesome content, click HERE.